Lost in Transition

Starting college is difficult for everyone. This is one of those common facts that your parents tell you when you call home at three in the morning begging for them to drive out and bring your favorite stuffed animal that of course you forgot. (It was most likely forgotten because you didn't realize it was going to be something you would want until you got to school and realized of course you could never live without Fluffy, the bunny rabbit). When talking to your new friends, you realize that they are having some of the same issues you have been dealing with: the new environment, making new friends, the cafeteria food that doesn't taste quite like mom's delicious cooking.... It feels good to know that everyone is going through the same thing you are, at least on some level.

Perhaps making new friends and handling the huge amount of work is something that comes easily for you. What doesn't come easily is being moved away from the place that you have control over. The house and town and school where your rituals feel at home. Perhaps the hardest thing about leaving home and entering a new environment is that every aspect that you used to control have been yanked out from under you and you're left feeling slightly like you're drowning.

To combat this you hyper-ritualize everything. You recreate all the things that made you feel comfortable and safe at home. You do these things privately to keep from judgement from your new peers, and you build yourself a nest of safety. These things help on some level, but as we all know OCD is a constantly evolving disorder that sometimes decides to rear it's ugly head at the worst possible moments.

For now, though, I am working on adapting and developing! My classes are good, I'm making new friends, and I'm learning how to live with my OCD.